Busy week

It has been a busy week so far... I have pestered every doctor I had work done with to get everything into my surgeon. I have completed all my tests and now just have to corral all the info in one place and get my date.
I have gone to a no carb diet now to get ready and it hasn't been bad at all. I am getting a ton of protein daily which really fills you up and feel a lot better since I stopped all the carbs. I have more energy and seem more alert. May be in my head, but I'll take it for now. I hope that by the end of next week I have a date for this reboot. I really can't wait to go to sleep and wake up rebooted. I hope, scratch that, I know this is going to be the start of something incredible.

Sunday Funday

Why does Sunday suck so bad. It seems that this day is just turning into the day before work, not another day of the weekend. It is definitely time to take inventory on what this job means to me, what it provides me besides a check, and what opportunity for growth do I have in it. Can I become what I want to be here or am I just going through motions to make cash and provide. That may be enough for now, but not forever. All I want is a small cabin on a nice piece of land with a garden and a few animals... That's it, not that Taj or a castle, just a little piece of the pie. I happily see myself working away in the dirt and feeding a cow or a pig or two. I want to be closer to self sustenance, I want to rely on myself more and others less. I want simple. This is my wish, which I hope to turn into fact before too long.

It's a day

Just a quick update... Cardiologist was awed by the fact that my massive frame and poor eating habits have left no residue in any of my arteries at all... I have been given a second chance to not screw this up which I will be taking full advantage of.
I have also found that there are some people who have a problem with the surgery I am going to undertake. They think that this is the easy way out and that I am just too lazy to do this with "normal" methods. Luckily I am at a point where I don't care what they think at all and I am doing this because I know I need it. If people can not accept this or me, then so be it for them. This is my year, my life, my reboot.

Epiphany

I finally believe that I am worth it and worth living. I have slowly been killing myself with food for 15 years and have gone through every stage of depression, self loathing, pure hatred for myself and have come to a realization over the last year with my therapist that I am a good person entitled to a great life regardless of what others think. I don't need to please anyone but myself. I am doing this because I want to, not out of a feeling of obligation to anyone but me. I deserve a better life and no one will help me but myself. That's the truth and it hurts to write it because it makes me realize just how much life I have wasted, but it also makes me happy that I am doing something to make what's left the best it can be.

Just Realized

I only need to loose 11 more pounds to be below 200 pounds to go.  I know that that is a ton of weight left to loose, but it is a mental barrier that I really look forward to going through...  That is my next goal. Less than 200 lbs to loose

Back at work.1 less pound being dragged around. Feeling really good about that

Well

Just wonderIng what it will be like to be thin again... I remember running 6 miles a day for fun in the Army, being able to do what I wanted without getting winded, feeling like I was worth something... Looking back has made me long for going forward... Time is all that stands between me and my reboot

Out of order

Here is the first of many blogs to come.  I am just finishing up my pre op work ups and hope to be done soon and hope to get a date by the middle of March.  I went for the results of my Cardiac Work up on Friday figuring I would walk in get the all clear and walk out... Well the best laid plans of mice and men.  They found some abnormalities in the testing and want to do a cardiac catheterization to rule out any chance there is an actual problem.  I hope that this doesn't slow me down too much, but we shall see...  I have been reading constantly about individuals results, trials and tribulations and have seen this from both sides.  I think the biggest thing i have learned so far s that this is for me.  I am going to, for one time in my life, be selfish and do something solely for me and no one else.  I DESERVE THIS.  It will be a massive change.  I was thin once.204lbs when I was in the Army back in 1990 (holy shit that was a long time ago).  I plan on blogging and keeping journals through this entire phase of the new me. Well that's it for now.

Interesting

Well I had the most invasive test of my life on Friday. A cardiac catheterization. Let's just say it is an interesting feeling to have your arteries treated like a sink drain while a surgeon uses a very tiny pipe snake to check for clogs. As a quick side note I found out I am immune to Versid. Supposed to be this great drug that will relax you, gave me 3 doses and I was more alert.
So I'm supposed to be sedated, not, and strapped to a table with minimal clothes covering my naughty bits incase they have to try this through my femoral artery instead of my wrist. Well I spent an hour watching the fluoroscope monitor light up my heart arteries with dye. It was very interesting to feel that I was laying there with a pipe snake in my heart and watching it twitch around pumping dye into my arteries.
Well what could be a graphical long story short, 100% clear. Crystal clear. Bacon is still my friend. I have one appointment left for pre op work and then hopefully get my date for surgery.
I am slightly perterbed on the delay and pain of the test, but it is amazing the peace of mind you get when there is no test better to determin your tickers health than you had and it is clear...
Well that's all from the edge right now. I'll blog again later