I'm a slacker

Wow I'm a slacker. Didn't think it had been that long since I posted. I finished all my pre op test and am loosing patience with my surgeons office. They have one woman who does the insurance and she works one day a week os so it seems. Iwas finished testing last Tuesday and have to wait till this Tuesday for her to submit everything. I want to get this done now. My schedule is all screwed up and I'm not going to hit the marks at the times I want to. I really don't want to be a whiny bitch, but I feel like this is taking forever. Oh well. That's the rant for the day. I pro ise to post mor often or I'll punch myself in the uvula.

Busy week

It has been a busy week so far... I have pestered every doctor I had work done with to get everything into my surgeon. I have completed all my tests and now just have to corral all the info in one place and get my date.
I have gone to a no carb diet now to get ready and it hasn't been bad at all. I am getting a ton of protein daily which really fills you up and feel a lot better since I stopped all the carbs. I have more energy and seem more alert. May be in my head, but I'll take it for now. I hope that by the end of next week I have a date for this reboot. I really can't wait to go to sleep and wake up rebooted. I hope, scratch that, I know this is going to be the start of something incredible.

Sunday Funday

Why does Sunday suck so bad. It seems that this day is just turning into the day before work, not another day of the weekend. It is definitely time to take inventory on what this job means to me, what it provides me besides a check, and what opportunity for growth do I have in it. Can I become what I want to be here or am I just going through motions to make cash and provide. That may be enough for now, but not forever. All I want is a small cabin on a nice piece of land with a garden and a few animals... That's it, not that Taj or a castle, just a little piece of the pie. I happily see myself working away in the dirt and feeding a cow or a pig or two. I want to be closer to self sustenance, I want to rely on myself more and others less. I want simple. This is my wish, which I hope to turn into fact before too long.

It's a day

Just a quick update... Cardiologist was awed by the fact that my massive frame and poor eating habits have left no residue in any of my arteries at all... I have been given a second chance to not screw this up which I will be taking full advantage of.
I have also found that there are some people who have a problem with the surgery I am going to undertake. They think that this is the easy way out and that I am just too lazy to do this with "normal" methods. Luckily I am at a point where I don't care what they think at all and I am doing this because I know I need it. If people can not accept this or me, then so be it for them. This is my year, my life, my reboot.

Epiphany

I finally believe that I am worth it and worth living. I have slowly been killing myself with food for 15 years and have gone through every stage of depression, self loathing, pure hatred for myself and have come to a realization over the last year with my therapist that I am a good person entitled to a great life regardless of what others think. I don't need to please anyone but myself. I am doing this because I want to, not out of a feeling of obligation to anyone but me. I deserve a better life and no one will help me but myself. That's the truth and it hurts to write it because it makes me realize just how much life I have wasted, but it also makes me happy that I am doing something to make what's left the best it can be.

Just Realized

I only need to loose 11 more pounds to be below 200 pounds to go.  I know that that is a ton of weight left to loose, but it is a mental barrier that I really look forward to going through...  That is my next goal. Less than 200 lbs to loose

Back at work.1 less pound being dragged around. Feeling really good about that